Speakin my mind

I speak the words that come to me, perhaps they're not pre-thought. I just speak them, then I read them to sound like they were what I sought.

Afterwards when the third person come and reads what I've read, they think they know what I meant, probably not, but I said, what it was that I felt at the moment quite clearly. I sometime become drastic cause I think that nobody hears me.

I just want to be able to be appreciated in the ways, people are when they do things, sometimes in a daze, is where my mind sits, and I recite what it is that I've written. Hoping to rhyme some words that will be heard, and your minds could all be smitten.

I know I'm an over achiever, I know that I'm a believer, in the good will of others, but what I see is enough to make me a bereaver. Which is to say that I is sad, bad choices aren't really bad, until perspective is gained on why it was that they were had.

As everyday goes on further away from what it was that I originally wanted, I find my buzz for life is fading as I get no where but haunted by the memories I have, of the person I used to be. But how does that at all make sense, speaking of myself in the pretense. Cause I am still me, but it's different you see.

I used to see the world as mystifying, like this magical place, that just spun around the sun, floating out in outer space. But I now I see it all differently than what it actually is. As the magic faded away and there wasn't even a fizz. I know that people are cruel, and only out to help themselves, even when they get respect, they just store it on the shelves.

And so as I sit here in my basement in fear, that things may not work out as I planned and thought, and scout, out for possibilities, as plans often fall through. I can count on absolutely no one in my life, can you?

I still try to remain positive, with glimmering shreds of yay! Every morning when I wake up I tell myself this will be the day. Here we are now more than a year later, heard nothing of the least, hope constantly faders. To the point where my exasperation seems to be like a crater. Digging deeper in my mind, telling me from far behind, I'm not good enough to do what it is I want to find.

And my children will never know, cause like an actor on a show, I stay in character most times pretending everything is fine, whilst this battle constantly wages inside of my mind. And they ask me questions like why? can't we go to places for fun, and reluctantly I tell them cause it's too much money sorry hun.