I know what it is that I want from this life, I want to be a producer, a director, and to write.
I am a natural born leader, and so therefore, I take to directing when I hit the ground with my wake.
I produce ideas, conveying them logically, leaving much room for the story to follow see.
Then I write it out, so that it can be built, only problem is time, which is why people are filled, with ambitions and drive, just like me, but not mine. Only some many chiefs can be in charge at one time.
I know this takes years, to achieve such a title, but every rule has exceptions, there are those that can, and those that might so; if given a chance, and a mentor to follow, I know that my abilities can explode, open throttle.
As I write messages here, I might as well in a bottle, tossing them to the ocean, and hoping for answers as I doddle.
I have what it is, the ingredients for success, only problem is placement, and proximity that cause me this distress.
So that being said, for me to get ahead, I guess I need to listen to what it is that I've said.
Move away, go to where, all the action goes down, otherwise like a shark not in motion I'll drown.
So if you come here, and read this, and agree. Can you do me a favour, and comment on what it is that you see.
Let me know there are those, who've also been in that slump. Otherwise, I feel like it is I that is trumped.
Wednesday, June 12, 2013
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
Speakin my mind
I speak the words that come to me, perhaps they're not pre-thought. I just speak them, then I read them to sound like they were what I sought.
Afterwards when the third person come and reads what I've read, they think they know what I meant, probably not, but I said, what it was that I felt at the moment quite clearly. I sometime become drastic cause I think that nobody hears me.
I just want to be able to be appreciated in the ways, people are when they do things, sometimes in a daze, is where my mind sits, and I recite what it is that I've written. Hoping to rhyme some words that will be heard, and your minds could all be smitten.
I know I'm an over achiever, I know that I'm a believer, in the good will of others, but what I see is enough to make me a bereaver. Which is to say that I is sad, bad choices aren't really bad, until perspective is gained on why it was that they were had.
As everyday goes on further away from what it was that I originally wanted, I find my buzz for life is fading as I get no where but haunted by the memories I have, of the person I used to be. But how does that at all make sense, speaking of myself in the pretense. Cause I am still me, but it's different you see.
I used to see the world as mystifying, like this magical place, that just spun around the sun, floating out in outer space. But I now I see it all differently than what it actually is. As the magic faded away and there wasn't even a fizz. I know that people are cruel, and only out to help themselves, even when they get respect, they just store it on the shelves.
And so as I sit here in my basement in fear, that things may not work out as I planned and thought, and scout, out for possibilities, as plans often fall through. I can count on absolutely no one in my life, can you?
I still try to remain positive, with glimmering shreds of yay! Every morning when I wake up I tell myself this will be the day. Here we are now more than a year later, heard nothing of the least, hope constantly faders. To the point where my exasperation seems to be like a crater. Digging deeper in my mind, telling me from far behind, I'm not good enough to do what it is I want to find.
And my children will never know, cause like an actor on a show, I stay in character most times pretending everything is fine, whilst this battle constantly wages inside of my mind. And they ask me questions like why? can't we go to places for fun, and reluctantly I tell them cause it's too much money sorry hun.
Afterwards when the third person come and reads what I've read, they think they know what I meant, probably not, but I said, what it was that I felt at the moment quite clearly. I sometime become drastic cause I think that nobody hears me.
I just want to be able to be appreciated in the ways, people are when they do things, sometimes in a daze, is where my mind sits, and I recite what it is that I've written. Hoping to rhyme some words that will be heard, and your minds could all be smitten.
I know I'm an over achiever, I know that I'm a believer, in the good will of others, but what I see is enough to make me a bereaver. Which is to say that I is sad, bad choices aren't really bad, until perspective is gained on why it was that they were had.
As everyday goes on further away from what it was that I originally wanted, I find my buzz for life is fading as I get no where but haunted by the memories I have, of the person I used to be. But how does that at all make sense, speaking of myself in the pretense. Cause I am still me, but it's different you see.
I used to see the world as mystifying, like this magical place, that just spun around the sun, floating out in outer space. But I now I see it all differently than what it actually is. As the magic faded away and there wasn't even a fizz. I know that people are cruel, and only out to help themselves, even when they get respect, they just store it on the shelves.
And so as I sit here in my basement in fear, that things may not work out as I planned and thought, and scout, out for possibilities, as plans often fall through. I can count on absolutely no one in my life, can you?
I still try to remain positive, with glimmering shreds of yay! Every morning when I wake up I tell myself this will be the day. Here we are now more than a year later, heard nothing of the least, hope constantly faders. To the point where my exasperation seems to be like a crater. Digging deeper in my mind, telling me from far behind, I'm not good enough to do what it is I want to find.
And my children will never know, cause like an actor on a show, I stay in character most times pretending everything is fine, whilst this battle constantly wages inside of my mind. And they ask me questions like why? can't we go to places for fun, and reluctantly I tell them cause it's too much money sorry hun.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Roller Coaster
Sit down and strap in, keep your hands and your feet inside of the ride, don't mind me I'm gonna speak inside of your mind, no that's a lie. From the past into the present, presently I am silent, but as these words become more so, the speed can often get quite violent.
As you toss and you turn, never able to stay steady. Maybe not, that's just me, is it these G's or is it heavy? Life's got ups and it's got downs. Never got to wear that crown. Always wanted to, but what's the difference when you're always on the ground?
I try my hardest, and it goes, like atoms, there, but unexposed. Unless my life is under the microscope than I guess that I suppose. Am I fighting with the flow? is it what I want, or should I know?
I know what I want, I know where it's at, but I'm stuck in this place, like a tree is to a cat. Someone call the fire depot, tell them what it is they want to know. Instead of lying in bed, like Brian Wilson did, I tried other attempts, I knocked on wood.
There hasn't been a proper answer, so instead, I request the pink panther. Can he figure out the clues, no one wants to see it through. I get back, like a swampy cat, what ever that means.... erk heart attack.
Here we go now, into the dark chasm, look out world, its a twilight spasm. No not the novel, with the shiny vampires, who look like prepsters in a disco ball fire. No I mean the hit series, with the stories that were weird, just like my life, I take it back, it's like something that's to be feared.
Things you wait for, for some time, maybe even in a line. They come and voom they pass by, was it worth it, or did those feelings die? Either way it's near the end, brakes are squeeky, comprehend. What it is, that I did say. What I mentioned on this day.
Rides now over, like the stress. Turns out everything's a mess. At least you get to walk away, no not I, I have to stay. For it seems that it would be. I am stuck here eternally. My ride never seems to end, here we go all over again.
As you toss and you turn, never able to stay steady. Maybe not, that's just me, is it these G's or is it heavy? Life's got ups and it's got downs. Never got to wear that crown. Always wanted to, but what's the difference when you're always on the ground?
I try my hardest, and it goes, like atoms, there, but unexposed. Unless my life is under the microscope than I guess that I suppose. Am I fighting with the flow? is it what I want, or should I know?
I know what I want, I know where it's at, but I'm stuck in this place, like a tree is to a cat. Someone call the fire depot, tell them what it is they want to know. Instead of lying in bed, like Brian Wilson did, I tried other attempts, I knocked on wood.
There hasn't been a proper answer, so instead, I request the pink panther. Can he figure out the clues, no one wants to see it through. I get back, like a swampy cat, what ever that means.... erk heart attack.
Here we go now, into the dark chasm, look out world, its a twilight spasm. No not the novel, with the shiny vampires, who look like prepsters in a disco ball fire. No I mean the hit series, with the stories that were weird, just like my life, I take it back, it's like something that's to be feared.
Things you wait for, for some time, maybe even in a line. They come and voom they pass by, was it worth it, or did those feelings die? Either way it's near the end, brakes are squeeky, comprehend. What it is, that I did say. What I mentioned on this day.
Rides now over, like the stress. Turns out everything's a mess. At least you get to walk away, no not I, I have to stay. For it seems that it would be. I am stuck here eternally. My ride never seems to end, here we go all over again.
Monday, June 3, 2013
Ripples in the pond
Where I live apparently it is a crime to be efficient, this is a problem for the unions, who's workers are so deficient. They all demand, more of this, give me that, I wanna stand around and talk, and scratch my itchy butt crack, and go for a walk.
When it comes time for being paid, they whine and moan, all day. Eventually they've screwed the pooch enough, but why are they tired, their jobs aren't tough, and yet they never get fired.
I've proven it on more than one occasion, just going in and working their stations. Better then them, only a week into the job. They say I don't fit, cause I'm not a lazy slob. Cause I don't like to stand around, and no I don't want to talk.
I get more work done, and yet they feed me this crock. " A union is meant to protect us, so we don't have to work quick." and my response is your union can suck on a big dirty stick. I came here to work, not to come play games, I wanna earn my pay, so I say I worked today.
It's pretty bad when the new guy can outwork four of the oldest workers, who've been there for years, and the real tear jerker, is they wanna get rid of him, and yet he is me, so what I'm saying in essence is these guys get away scott free.
I never understood it, no it doesn't make sense. Why work slow when you gotta pay the rent? Why take from the guy who can get the job done? Instead keeping around all the lazy ass bums.
Why is everyone determined to do nothing, and get paid? There should be a parade for this escapade to learn just how they screw it. Yet throw it all away, cause what do you care. You wonder why you look old, and have no hair. Why your business is drowning, and money's not coming it. It's the blokes you hired, like a couple pairs of useless twins.
Not me, eventually I'm a be, the one calling the shots, people will answer to me. When this day comes, I won't except alot, so if your working slow, get off of your station. There are people who want to work, and people who feel this strange sensation, like everyone owes them something.
F*ck that, earn your keep, if you wanna be kept around, then do your work and don't speak. Leave the pooch alone so it's behind can heal, otherwise it you who's going to be looking for that next meal.
I have high standards, of myself, and of others. I don't care who you are, or how many sisters and brothers, you have, or you had, or who's your mom and dad. Or who you know, aw that's too bad. Cause for me, I've had to earn it, and likewise so should you.
I really hate the backwards things that people do.
When it comes time for being paid, they whine and moan, all day. Eventually they've screwed the pooch enough, but why are they tired, their jobs aren't tough, and yet they never get fired.
I've proven it on more than one occasion, just going in and working their stations. Better then them, only a week into the job. They say I don't fit, cause I'm not a lazy slob. Cause I don't like to stand around, and no I don't want to talk.
I get more work done, and yet they feed me this crock. " A union is meant to protect us, so we don't have to work quick." and my response is your union can suck on a big dirty stick. I came here to work, not to come play games, I wanna earn my pay, so I say I worked today.
It's pretty bad when the new guy can outwork four of the oldest workers, who've been there for years, and the real tear jerker, is they wanna get rid of him, and yet he is me, so what I'm saying in essence is these guys get away scott free.
I never understood it, no it doesn't make sense. Why work slow when you gotta pay the rent? Why take from the guy who can get the job done? Instead keeping around all the lazy ass bums.
Why is everyone determined to do nothing, and get paid? There should be a parade for this escapade to learn just how they screw it. Yet throw it all away, cause what do you care. You wonder why you look old, and have no hair. Why your business is drowning, and money's not coming it. It's the blokes you hired, like a couple pairs of useless twins.
Not me, eventually I'm a be, the one calling the shots, people will answer to me. When this day comes, I won't except alot, so if your working slow, get off of your station. There are people who want to work, and people who feel this strange sensation, like everyone owes them something.
F*ck that, earn your keep, if you wanna be kept around, then do your work and don't speak. Leave the pooch alone so it's behind can heal, otherwise it you who's going to be looking for that next meal.
I have high standards, of myself, and of others. I don't care who you are, or how many sisters and brothers, you have, or you had, or who's your mom and dad. Or who you know, aw that's too bad. Cause for me, I've had to earn it, and likewise so should you.
I really hate the backwards things that people do.
Saturday, June 1, 2013
Money Done Wasted
Here I go again, another rant-tastic rammification I get to cram, from your eyes into your brain.
Who cares anyway, no one says a word. People all want me to work, but only for pennies, my polite decline makes me the jerk?
Thinking the ages of slavery are long gone, that's wrong, here I be enlightening you with a music-less song. Just because they offer the least, don't make it any less, like a slave in a field, sure there's no contest.
I guess that's a Capella, no need for fancy words, It's just a way to talk just like the singing of the birds. But now the time has come, what's the difference between me and a bum, the debt I have, is much greater than his. At least he's got income.
If someone told me years ago, that passing school doesn't guarantee a job, I would of thought they were lying, and probably called them an ignorant slob.
But I'm the ignoramus, thinking things like diplomas are the difference between being no one and being famous.
Shoot, thirty thousand dollars later, I have two pieces of paper, neither means shit, I'm stuck with nothing else to show for it. Unless I'm willing to work for free, or the greatest in the world no one takes a second look at me.
I have experience, skills, and the knowledge to succeed, whilst everyone else around me gets be fat and corrupt with greed.
How is it they secure these jobs for so much money, doing so little, I don't find it very funny. Then my ass gets stuck doing the work of many, but when I get paid, It's like they give me the dirty pennies, no one else wanted to take.
Or what's worst is the oil of the snake, these papers constantly haunt me. Telling me I am success, but when I try to use them to my advantage, I only get stuck with less. Should I just end my misery, let this shit wash over me.
Maybe when I'm dead is when people will eventually, appreciate the things I did, and talk in ways that only I see.
Cause currently I cannot take this anymore. It eats at my conscience like termites in a wooden door.
I tried very hard, but for nothing it's all in vain. Maybe I should get a gun and just blow out my brains. That way I can't be wrong, it will be done so quickly. Unlike my ability to secure my life financially.
As my ship sinks slowly, and I see it before my eyes, no point in staying longer, as I am sick of all the lies. Perhaps I am just lying to myself, perhaps they are all right. I guess I am as worthless as those diplomas in my sight.
I never claimed to be the best, but I gave it a fair shot. As life shits on me constantly, it's starting to get hot. I cannot do this any longer, I had it all planned out. But nothing ever goes my way, no longer can I stand and shout.
I have lost my voice, and drive to go on. Fuck this world, maybe the next one is where I belong.
Who cares anyway, no one says a word. People all want me to work, but only for pennies, my polite decline makes me the jerk?
Thinking the ages of slavery are long gone, that's wrong, here I be enlightening you with a music-less song. Just because they offer the least, don't make it any less, like a slave in a field, sure there's no contest.
I guess that's a Capella, no need for fancy words, It's just a way to talk just like the singing of the birds. But now the time has come, what's the difference between me and a bum, the debt I have, is much greater than his. At least he's got income.
If someone told me years ago, that passing school doesn't guarantee a job, I would of thought they were lying, and probably called them an ignorant slob.
But I'm the ignoramus, thinking things like diplomas are the difference between being no one and being famous.
Shoot, thirty thousand dollars later, I have two pieces of paper, neither means shit, I'm stuck with nothing else to show for it. Unless I'm willing to work for free, or the greatest in the world no one takes a second look at me.
I have experience, skills, and the knowledge to succeed, whilst everyone else around me gets be fat and corrupt with greed.
How is it they secure these jobs for so much money, doing so little, I don't find it very funny. Then my ass gets stuck doing the work of many, but when I get paid, It's like they give me the dirty pennies, no one else wanted to take.
Or what's worst is the oil of the snake, these papers constantly haunt me. Telling me I am success, but when I try to use them to my advantage, I only get stuck with less. Should I just end my misery, let this shit wash over me.
Maybe when I'm dead is when people will eventually, appreciate the things I did, and talk in ways that only I see.
Cause currently I cannot take this anymore. It eats at my conscience like termites in a wooden door.
I tried very hard, but for nothing it's all in vain. Maybe I should get a gun and just blow out my brains. That way I can't be wrong, it will be done so quickly. Unlike my ability to secure my life financially.
As my ship sinks slowly, and I see it before my eyes, no point in staying longer, as I am sick of all the lies. Perhaps I am just lying to myself, perhaps they are all right. I guess I am as worthless as those diplomas in my sight.
I never claimed to be the best, but I gave it a fair shot. As life shits on me constantly, it's starting to get hot. I cannot do this any longer, I had it all planned out. But nothing ever goes my way, no longer can I stand and shout.
I have lost my voice, and drive to go on. Fuck this world, maybe the next one is where I belong.
(Disclaimer: these words are just words not intentionally intentional don't take to heart my decision to use thoughts of suicide as actual impulses but rather an intense emotional projection in the moment. I don't normally feel like this. But when you're down your mind can go to dark places. If you ever get to know me you will see I am always quite positive, rarely able to be negative. I felt like when I wrote this that noone cares enough. I hope this clears up any misunderstandings that occur upon reading.)
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
Cheap World
Capitalism and cheapening of goods, making this world as shoddy as particle wood. Sure someone else will do the same job for less, and the out come is garbage, but I do digress.
I hate how we've become a society of penny pinching squatters, teaching these lessons to our sons and daughters.
What happened to value and getting your worth? It's been replaced with fillers and what's even worst, is we sit and complain that it's never enough, we want it bigger and better, with bells and whistles and stuff. Only paying the minimum, but wanting to squeeze, every single ounce of hard work from you and from me.
It's all about profit, and margin of error, but how can you make profit if no body cares? Pay me what I'm worth and you'll have a good worker. Pay me minimum wage, get a sloth like bezerker. If you pay the lowest of low, expect that back. Pay a bit more and I'll pick up the slack.
What's 15 bucks an hour if I bring you back $3,000 per day? The sales can speak for themselves in that way. Sure buddy will do it for 10.25, but when people are disgusted, there's nothing to hide. The losses incurred, bring business to a halt, it's not my problem, it's all your fault.
When you wonder why business is failing, and you've already cut wages, it's the people you have working, they're at lower stages. I come prepared, and experienced, like a seasoned vet. Give me what I ask and you'll like what you get.
If you try lying, or leading me on, I'll stay for a moment, but tomorrow I'm gone. I'd rather not work, than sell myself short. That's just me, I won't extort. I have skills, and the knowledge required, to do anything your heart desires. Just give me that chance, and you'll agree, it's not much I ask, for the work that is me.
I hate how we've become a society of penny pinching squatters, teaching these lessons to our sons and daughters.
What happened to value and getting your worth? It's been replaced with fillers and what's even worst, is we sit and complain that it's never enough, we want it bigger and better, with bells and whistles and stuff. Only paying the minimum, but wanting to squeeze, every single ounce of hard work from you and from me.
It's all about profit, and margin of error, but how can you make profit if no body cares? Pay me what I'm worth and you'll have a good worker. Pay me minimum wage, get a sloth like bezerker. If you pay the lowest of low, expect that back. Pay a bit more and I'll pick up the slack.
What's 15 bucks an hour if I bring you back $3,000 per day? The sales can speak for themselves in that way. Sure buddy will do it for 10.25, but when people are disgusted, there's nothing to hide. The losses incurred, bring business to a halt, it's not my problem, it's all your fault.
When you wonder why business is failing, and you've already cut wages, it's the people you have working, they're at lower stages. I come prepared, and experienced, like a seasoned vet. Give me what I ask and you'll like what you get.
If you try lying, or leading me on, I'll stay for a moment, but tomorrow I'm gone. I'd rather not work, than sell myself short. That's just me, I won't extort. I have skills, and the knowledge required, to do anything your heart desires. Just give me that chance, and you'll agree, it's not much I ask, for the work that is me.
Monday, March 4, 2013
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